On coming home

I now know some Mandarin words– the words for “no want,” “pee,” “poop,” “thank you,” “blanket,” “water,” “more,” “eat,” “car,” “hurt,” “hug/hold,” and “bye.” The essentials you really need to know when talking to a 4 year old who only speaks Mandarin. 

Our last two days in Taiwan were difficult for me. Not because I wasn’t enjoying getting to know our son, but just because I was so tired, missed my own bed, familiar food, and the girls. Now I can only imagine what Wei Wei feels now that he is home with us in the U.S. Home to all that is foreign, but he has taken it in stride. That’s not to say there aren’t things that are clearly hard on him, there are. But we have been so pleasantly surprised at the things that are not, or not yet. 

Our home doesn’t seem to feel odd to him. He quickly figured out the locations of bedrooms and bathrooms. He is picking up quickly on our routines. Things like bibs before meals, shoes off in the house (also typical in Taiwan but still), washing hands after potty, putting away toys before the big kids’ evening show, bedtime routine of books and prayer with his sister. All of these came so quickly. He quickly showed affection to his sisters, was eager to share (for the most part), and jumps right into their dancing (seriously the cutest!) and games of imitating each other. He loves jumping and climbing on daddy just like they do. He has quickly felt to them like family as well. We thought things like being in a car seat and in the car in general (used to mainly riding a moped) would be hard, but he seems to enjoy car rides and hasn’t complained at all about being strapped in. We also thought he might not want to be held by us or receive comfort from us, but he would prefer to be held by one of us all day long (one of the reasons I was so tried in Taiwan!) and quickly comes to us when hurt or sad.

Because of these things, we have also felt better about making a few small trips from the house. We are “cocooning,” a term in the adopting world for staying close to home and keeping a child’s world small while they adjust in order to focus on attachment of him to you. However, Wei Wei’s comfort level with us and his surroundings has made it easy for us to do small excursions like going to the park or the grocery store, things where he won’t interact much with other adults and not much is expected from his interactions with anyone but us. For awhile I still may not do play dates or go to the zoo with friends, but I’m thankful some small outings may be healthy for everyone even while we “cocoon.”

Eating breakfast w matching bibs and mats

Swinging together at the park

Lydia loves being in the back with Wei Wei

That said, like adding any new member to he family, there are things that are hard. Esther, my sweet, funny, but clingy mamas girl, has been very eager to be held since I got home. This has made it hard at times to evenly dole out affection. I feel particularly aware at all times of who I am showing affection too and wondering with any crying or outburst if one of them is just acting out because they are struggling with the transition. Lydia randomly asked not to go to the park on our way there today and has been more snugly than normal when I get a moment. It is harder for him for sure, but it is also new for them. 

Sleep has been rough since getting to the U.S. (Though I don’t regret letting him sleep 4 hrs and 5 hrs respectively on our two flights-it made them SO much better than expected.) He is definitely jet lagged, waking up early in the morning ready to play (upset if we won’t let him) and really struggling to wake up from short naps that he has desperately needed to avoid overtired mid day. It’s hard to see him struggle with this, and Josiah and I are also very tried. I’m almost missing Taipei beds where I got 8+ hours of sleep snuggled up next to Wei Wei when he was sleeping 8-8 most days. So we are trying to get outside and burn off energy, getting lots of daylight and having fun bonding. 

Language has been hard but also easier than expected, though Lydia constantly forgets and asks him questions he doesn’t understand like, “Do you like caterpillars, Wei Wei?” Those essential Mandarin words I mentioned earlier have really helped on both our ends. It’s sweet to hear Esther say “shay shah” (her version on Mandarin thank you) when he shares a toy or Lydia lean over and tell him “Wo ai ni” (I love you). And it has been encouraging to see when he tries English words as well. Right now “help” and “water” are the ones he does best unprompted. Wei Wei is also pretty clear (if not through words) about how he feels about things most of the time, just like his sisters. 

Overall I have been blown away by the sweet moments we have had as a family of 5. I teared up watching him and Lydia hug randomly in the cart at the check out line at Costco (yes, we gave in and joined as a family of 5). I couldn’t stop smiling as I watched the three of them dance to Moana songs and Five Little Monkeys this afternoon. And I wanted to stop time as I took video of the 3 of them imitating the motions with Josiah for “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and “Baby Bumblebee” at the end of lunch. It has been sweet and precious despite the hard things. Josiah said to me on our family walk this evening, him pushing Wei Wei and Lydia in the stroller and Esther on my back in the humid evening air, “I’m so glad we adopted.” I am too. ​

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Please continue to pray:

-that our 3 kiddos continue to bond to one another and enjoy each other 

-that Wei Wei continues to bond to Josiah and I and feel more secure in his attachment

-that we would all get sleep, especially for Wei Wei 

-that our hearts would continue to draw near to Wei Wei through the sweet moments and the hard ones